Defining myself

I am so distracted and thinking about where I want to go with who I am. I know that if I were to go full time, life would be extremely difficult and locating a job that would pay me anywhere what I need would be almost impossible. How do others make it happen? I am still looking at it but without some sort of assistance, I don’t see it happening. Sure, I may be happier, but will I even be able to live? Still trying to determine what/show I am, am I a sissy, a crossdresser, a transwoman? It seems like each group has issues with another group. Why can’t we all just be supportive and allow others to just be who they are? I think I have defined who I am, just not sure how to label it as it is a mix of an assortment of groups. It is me though. I should be happy about that but it just causes more confusion. I wish I had this all figured out about 30 years ago. Maybe I could be living the life I want. I think I have finally defined myself as a sissy, but not in that sense of just clothing. I see myself wanting to present myself to the real world like your typical girl next door. By this, I mean typical dresses, skirts, and clothing you would see any other woman wearing. I just also want someone who I can be a, for lack of a better term, a slut for. I have repressed my sexuality for so long that I need to release it. I would be submissive for them and let them take control, to a limit. We each need to know and have limits as to what we are willing to do. I will explain them to that person if it happens and if they are willing to respect those limits, all the better, if not, we can' t move forward. 

I hope I can find that person, even though I feel way too old for it to ever happen. That may just be the depression kicking in for the doubt, but we shall see.

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