The Struggle Continues.

Still struggling with who exactly I am. There are just so many categories that I can’t properly describe it. Transgender, sissy, crossdresser, bisexual, woman, and so many more. I just want to be me and not worry about it. It is becoming more and more difficult for me to keep this under wraps and not just kick down the closet door and go. There are only two things keeping me for doing it. I have basically been whining about it for years. Money and guilt. Money I think is the biggest issue. With enough money, I could move out and pay both my bills and the bills of the other house until we can officially seperate and divorce. The guilt is me not wanting to leave behind a mushroom cloud of anger, sadness and turmoil. I don’t know how to get past that side of things. I know it would be a fight and I truly don’t want to fight. Fighting just makes me more depressed and causes me to hide even more. Why can’t two spouses actually look at a situation and see the calm and easy way is going to be faster and less stressful. Just get it over with and move on. Maybe I’m naive or just too optimistic. I just want to move on and be me. 

I know it is a short one, but want to keep puuting stuff out rather than taking long breaks.


  1. I completely understand both the guilt and the money barriers. I've been there, and still am to some extent. The only way I know to address both is to get to the point where you can just say f*ck it and go about being yourself. Have you thought about taking on an extra part time job as Nicole? It would surely eliminate some of the guilt, as well as to help toward getting out of debt. Locking yourself up only serves to lock yourself up, if you know what I mean. You're still younger than I was when I first made my move toward living an authentic life, and I learned quickly that I could have (should have) done it at least ten years earlier. I not only wasted a lot of time, but so much energy, as well. Redirecting the energy that I had put into trying to live two lives was what I had to do to save myself - so that the life I needed to have could even exist.

    With both the social and economic climates being so much better these days, I would imagine there are plenty of opportunities for part time work, even as a trans woman. If you do it, I'm sure you will not only make a few extra dollars, but you will learn so much, and feel so much better, about yourself for the accomplishment.

  2. There is a safe & effective Natural Herbal Medicine. For Total Cure Call    +2349010754824,  or email him       For an Appointment with (Dr.) AKHIGBE contact him. Treatment with Natural Herbal Cure. For:Dengue Fever, Malaria. Painful or Irregular Menstruation. HIV/Aids. Diabetics. Vaginal Infections. Vaginal Discharge. Itching Of the Private Part. Breast Infection. Discharge from Breast. Breast Pain & Itching. Lower Abdominal Pain. No Periods or Periods Suddenly Stop. Women Sexual Problems. High Blood Pressure Chronic Disease. Pain during Sex inside the Pelvis. Pain during Urination. Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, (PID). Dripping Of Sperm from the Vagina As Well As for Low sperm count. Parkinson disease. Obesity, Lupus.  Cancer.  Tuberculosis.  Zero sperm count. Bacteria, Toxoplasmosis, Diarrhea.Herpatitis A&B, Rabies. Asthma.  Quick Ejaculation. Gallstone, Cystic Fibrosis, Esquizofrenia, Cirrhosis,  Premature Ejaculation. Herpes. Joint Pain. Stroke. Coeliac Disease, Weak Erection.  Erysipelas, Thyroid, Discharge from Penis. HPV.  Hepatitis A and B. STD. Staphylococcus + Gonorrhea + Syphilis. Heart Disease.  Pile-Hemorrhoid.rheumatism, thyroid, Autism, Penis enlargement,  Waist & Back Pain.  Male Infertility and Female Infertility. Etc. Take Action Now. contact him & Order for your Natural Herbal Medicine:  +2349010754824  and email him    Note For an Appointment with (Dr.) AKHIGBE.I suffered in Cancer for a year and three months dieing in pain and full of heart break. One day I was searching through the internet and I came across a testimony herpes cure by doctor Akhigbe. So I contact him to try my luck, we talk and he send me the medicine through courier service and with instructions on how to be drinking it.To my greatest surprise drinking the herbal medicine within three weeks I got the changes and I was cure totally. I don't really know how it happen but there is power in Dr Akhigbe herbal medicine. He is a good herbalist doctor.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

First Step Worries

Defining myself